A message to my younger self…
I guess I should start this by saying hello. Thats how most messages start right? So hello. Life probably seems quite easy right now. You’re not really thinking about where you’re going to be in 5, 10 or even 20 years. Well I can tell you. You’re going go be right here, on the train writing this message. Lamenting all your regrets and misdeeds. Well it doesn’t have to be this way if you don’t want it to.
You’re going to do pretty well at school. You were born in to a clever enough family and I guess you just inherited the above average intelligence gene. You’ll get 5 5 5 in your SATs then 8 7 7 in your year 9 SATs. You are also going to be worried about the math mark. But you don’t have to be. You are a very smart child. Others will recognise this so it’s important you do too.
When you get to secondary school things are going to change for you. And I don’t just mean your body. You will no longer be popular among your peers. You won’t speak to your friends from primary school they’ll soon drift away. But try and keep them. Not all of them. Just stay in contact with one. You will see them on the internet in years to come and just wonder what could have been. Friendship at that young of an age doesn’t mean nothing. Its reminiscent of a time where nothing mattered, you had endless goals and dreams and anything was possible. That will start to fade so hang on to something that will remind you of those times.
You will go on some crazy adventures though. You’re gonna go to Italy and France and Belgium and eventually skiing in the Pyrenees. Don’t take them for granted. Not everyone gets those opportunities at such young an age and remember to say thank you to mum for paying. You’ll pay her back one day. When that will be i don’t even know myself.
You’re going to meet a lot of people at secondary school. A lot will seem like friends forever but not all of them will stay. Do your best to be kind and understanding and those who want to stay, will. Remember that the majority of your friends will come and go and thats perfectly fine. But also remember you’re going to find it hard to make friends anyway. You are well intentioned but you don’t want to open up to many people so they never really get to see the real you. I’d like to say that this will get easier as you get older but even at 23 you’re still having trouble. But its okay this wont stop you from having some truly great and real friendships.
Always work hard and figure out what it is you want to do. Not knowing is fine but channel that creativity of yours into something productive. Write a book, film something, save up for a decent camera. Just do something that allows you to have some sort of creative outlet. I mean its never too late but its always nice to have a bit of a head start. I know you love films and you love to play football. So stick with them. You never know something may come of it if you’re dedicated. Now you’re going to start noticing girls a lot more in due time. I don’t have to tell you this but always respect them. You feel uncomfortable around the majority of them anyway but you will learn that you actually get along with girls better than guys. I still don’t know why. Heck girls may even start to like you. Always be empathetic and always be truthful. Don’t be stupid, don’t lead them on. The situation is bigger than you and you owe it to them to do what is necessary. But it’s okay this won’t be a recurring problem for you. You’ll meet one other person after this. Probably best to avoid her though. She’s not good news and in the moment it may seem like the best thing ever but a few weeks down the line she’ll drop you and you’ll feel like crap… even to this day. Oh and I should probably warn you that you will lose one of the best friends you’ve ever had. Actually this may happen a few times. But the first time it happens I wish I could tell you what to do differently but I’m still not sure what happened. Just take it as a learning experience and carry it with you. A lot of your friends will love you unconditionally but be as open as you can with them. Some may start to resent you because you’re so closed. I know it’s hard but some people really are worth it.
You’re going to become a role model to a bunch of crazy American children. You’re not even going to think much of it before you go but when you get there you will fall in love with a little camp tucked away in New Jersey. Sure there’s sand everywhere, it’s in the middle of the woods and people walk around bare foot but you will still adore it. You’ll meet some incredible people and make a real difference in people’s lives and you will spend 5 summers working there. You won’t regret one single second of it. Oh and look after your eyes. I’ve been told I injured my eye some time in my youth but I can’t remember when. If you don’t then you will start to lose sight in one eye and will need to wear contacts. You’ll think it’s fine at first but it will wear you down and the quality of your life will drop. If I know me then I know I am probably close to not paying attention anymore. Theres so much more I want to tell you. All the amazing holidays you’ll go on with the family, fantastic opportunities you’ll be a part of and just generally all the inspiring things you’ll get to do. Some days you will feel worthless but even if you completely ignore this… I would say you’ve done quite alright for yourself.