Men liking people

Hi, it's been a minute. When I write this blog some of the ideas are ones that I come up with myself and want to write about. Other times the posts are reactive, in the sense that I've seen something that gets my brain whirring and an idea is generated from that. So with that in mind, take a look at the Instagram post below:

Firstly, the thing that fascinates me about this post is that it's written in a way that makes it seem like men rarely have these feelings. Newsflash, we do get butterflies, we get nervous around people we like. Of course men and women are different in a lot of ways but we are also very similar in others. I really do believe that when it comes to relationships, well, good relationships, both parties will of course feel a lot of the same emotions but they may not always manifest in the same ways. And I think it's because of the differences men and women have when expressing themselves that leads to a lot of misconceptions from both parties.


A lot of the responses garnered a positive response from women as if it was a surprise and shock to hear that men actually feel. And I get sometimes it's nice to explicitly hear these things but is it such a surprise that men feel this way? I get a lot of the reaction is due to the fact that men discussing their feelings isn't something that is openly discussed.


As well as this social media has become a cesspool of people giving their, sometimes horrendous, take on relationships and actually it's quite refreshing to see something positive for once. Especially when it's to do with men. It becomes quite tiring constantly reading whats wrong with men in relationships everyday on social media. This also becomes all the more harrowing when you consider the tragic suicide rates of men and their stigma regarding mental health.


The truth is, relationships are complex. We can chime in as much as we want but usually any incite we give will be heavily biased, whether it's down to our past experiences or gender. However this doesn't mean that some advice isn't better than others because trust me... I've seen some real shockers.


Going back to this post though it reignited a lot of feelings within myself regarding my emotions in relationships. I think this would've been a bit of a cop out if I didn't answer the question myself. I can't say I've been in that position many times though, I would say maybe twice. But for me, liking someone is scary. Suddenly the majority of your thoughts throughout the day are just about this one person and you have the sudden realisation that this one person has a huge impact on your mood. But I guess that's also one of the great things about getting into a relationship.


You're giving all of yourself to this one person and if all goes according to plan then you're with that person for the rest of your life... okay, now that's scary. But let's bring it way back. To the initial courting phase and what that looks like for me. Re-reading texts is definitely a huge one. I'm not even sure what the purpose of this is, but I guess it's just a way to chase the feeling you get when you actually are talking to them. And the butterflies are real, not only the anticipation of seeing/speaking to them but also when you're in that moment. You get a bit of imposter syndrome as you wonder out of all the people this person could be speaking to, they're speaking to you.


What really clinches it for me though is constantly going over in my head, introducing this person to my family. I think that's what really cements to me that I am really into someone. I've never been a position where I've had to introduce a girl to my family before but it's something I always think about. Not necessarily about someone in particular but just in general. What will that first interaction be, when will it happen but when I can picture it, and the idea of it excites me instead of scares me then I know I'm going down that rabbit hole.


And I actually think this makes up a much wider thought process in terms of me liking someone. Because also a lot of my time is spent thinking about just doing small things with that person. I imagine us chilling at home, going on dates, going on holidays and something as small as the idea of just sitting in a car with them chatting, feels you with glee.


I think where a lot of us get stuck though is we want to chase these feelings, we've either been in a relationship or we have an idealised view of what we want it to be like so sometimes we try and fashion it ourselves. And I guess with most things in life, if you want something, you're inclined to make it happen but when you have to factor in the emotions of someone else you may have to devise a different strategy.


Have I gone off topic here? Maybe, but nevertheless I hope I was able to impart some wisdom on you. Men aren't robots, we do feel, quite deeply actually. I just think that a lot of men have problems when it comes to expressing these emotions effectively. And we can't use the same barometer with everyone when measuring how much they're into us. There's a reason why love languages exist.



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