• Byran Ferrol

Tales from my DMs


So I was actually writing another post about online dating which was aiming to give a bit of a light hearted take on how you can improve your success rate (which is ironic tbh) but something happened fairly recently that I wanted to speak about in regards to the online dating sphere.


Online dating gets a lot of bad press and rightly so it can truly lead to some horrific situations. And from what I see on social media this leads to a lot of "anti-men" rhetoric and a lot of the time rightly so. I am under no illusions that women have a difficult time on dating apps due to it being populated by a lot of slimy men. However this obviously isn't something I personally experience on a day to day basis so even though I can recognise it and empathise with the women that have to go through it, what I want to do in this blog post is quickly discuss something that I have experienced.


Of course this is not a one way street. There are both men and women that act despicably on these dating apps and I just want to shine a light on an interaction I had with a woman. Normally I despise publicising private conversations but this one left me particularly bewildered and I'd love to get other people's opinions on this.


So take a look at these screenshots of an encounter I had on a dating app. Make sure to click on the image so you can see all the messages.



I thought she was joking at first but before we go any further, feel free to tell me if I was in the wrong. I actually would prefer to believe that I made some sort of blunder because then at least I have a reason for the responses. But having read the conversation numerous times and asking close friends of mine I don't believe I did anything particularly egregious to warrant this kind of reaction.


Now I am not going to lie and claim that this happens on a regular basis. It really doesn't, on account of me not matching many people, but that's a different story. The point is, we are all trying our best. Nobody really wants to be on dating apps but we do it maybe out of boredom or through genuinely wanting to meet someone and make a connection. I honestly don't understand why someone would speak like this from the get go.


I actually think this is part of a wider problem that is affecting our generation. It's this idea that we don't owe anyone anything and this becomes all too apparent in the world of social media. Just because we cant see the person on the other end we somehow become detached and absolve ourselves of all moral responsibility. Because actually if you take the time to converse with someone I think you do owe them a certain level of respect and just common courtesy. This goes for online or in person. Your levels of respect and decency should be consistent and if you're on a dating app why you talking like this anyway? I get it if maybe you're on Twitter as that app can make people eternally bitter. But if you're looking to meet new people I don't know if this is the right way to attract them. No matter how good looking you think you are, talking trash automatically makes you detestable in my book.


Don't let your phone strip you of your humanity. Even though we conduct a lot of our lives in a digital space it shouldn't turn us into robots. Your words have meaning, they don't hold less weight just because they're pixels on a screen. You need to take responsibility for them whether you typed or spoke them. I think we can all do with some reminding of this to be honest.


But it really scares me that people lack this self awareness and think this is an acceptable way to start a conversation. If I had to guess what she was thinking I would say maybe she sees herself as someone who is confident, knows what she wants and doesn't want to waste time. But you can do all that and still be kind and respectful in the way you interact with others. It just seems to me that this is someone that has their own issues whether they realise it or not. I really hope they figure it out though. Orrrrrrr maybe I'm wrong and some men like that.


Anyway, I just wanted to share that with you. I just thought it was a very interesting interaction. To be honest I was lowkey just happy to be getting quick and consistent responses. But after the "booboo' line. There's just no way I could continue and I was about to sit on my phone in the middle of the night arguing with someone I know nothing about. Can never be me.













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