If you’re thinking of working behind a bar… don’t. Unless you’re prepared to have these thoughts running through your mind. Don’t get me wrong I love working behind a bar but you just get a few people that make you question humanity. These are all real thoughts that have gone through my mind on the job. 1. Why are you only getting your money out now? You had all this time while I was making the drinks to get your money out but you’re only doing it now?… and you’re paying with a note anyway! 2. Stop leaning over the bar. I will get to you when I am good and ready not because you’re clicking you fingers in my face. 3. GET YOUR DIRTY HANDS OUT OF MY FACE. Actually no get every part of your body out of my face. 4. You just spat on me. 5. No, I do not know what our strongest shot is. 6. I am clearly not serving, why am I going to make an exception for you. 7. What part of”the bar is closed” do you not understand? No I can not do you a “favour” and pour you a drink. 8. Yes we do serve Vodka Lemonade. 9. Why don’t YOU work out how many jagerbombs £10 will get you? 10. I am not a claw machine pick out your own money from your own wallet. 11. My hand is right here so why have you thrown the money on the bar. 12. WHY HAVE YOU GIVEN ME SO MUCH CHANGE! YOU KNOW FULL WELL YOU’VE GIVEN ME TOO MUCH. 13. Yes I know these drinks were cheaper yesterday, stop living in the past. 14. No it’s not my fault that we’ve run out of straws. 15. Can you see that we’ve taken all the drinks down, yes we are closed. 16. You only get discount if you show me your student card… “You didn’t ask for it”… why would I promote the cheaper option. If you want discount you’ve got to go out and get it. 17. If we had ice, I would’ve given you ice. 18. I know where your eyes are but you’re wearing half a top. 19. Please take your hand off my neck I am as close to you as I ever will and want to be. 20. No, drinks are not free for you tonight.